A Chat with Netscape 4.5

[This is the first post in a series that I'm doing just to get some old stuff that I wrote up onto my blog]

This is an ancient rant that I wrote a long time ago. Unfortunately, it pretty much summed up my relationship with Netscape Navigator.

From: "Brian W. Fitzpatrick" 
Subject: A Chat with Netscape 4.5
To: devel@onShore.com
Date: Tue, 01 Apr 1997 09:06:04 -0600
X-Windows: foiled again.


Me:  exec netscape

Netscape: OH, OK.
  grabMemoryByTheKilo(HalfOfTotalMemory)
  hogResources(most)
  incrementSystemUnstabilityBy(1)

Me:  surf

Netscape: OK

Me:  surf some more

Netscape: OK
  grabMoreMemory(some)
  incrementSystemUnstabilityBy(1)

Me:  surf some more
 
Netscape: OK
  whoaHitAJavaApplet
  setSpeed(Commodore64)
  thrashDisk(aBit)
  incrementSystemUnstabilityBy(42)
  showApplet(maybe)

Me:  leaveAppletPage

Netscape: thankYou

Me:  surf

Netscape: OK
  notFeelingWell(aLittleQueasy)

Me:  surf
  whoaFoundJavaScript
  puke(chunky)
  grabMoreMemory(some)
  incrementSystemUnstabilityBy(9.2)
  executeJavaScript(maybe)

Me:  surf away from JavaScript  

Netscape: *whew*

Me:  surf to plain html page

Netscape: freakOut(inABigWay)
  lockUpXWindows(totally)
  incrementSystemUnstabilityBy(amountOfLastVISABill)
  grabAllMemory(mallocville) 
  thrashDisk(andIMeanHard)
  ISaid_All_Memory(mallocAgain)
  whatAboutThatByteOverThere(grabLastByteOfRAM)
  thrashDisk(Harder) 
  thrashDisk(EvenHarder) 
  heySomebodySwappedOut(grabThatRAMToo)
  thrashDisk(UntilHardReboot) 
  
Me:  power cycle computer
  hit wall (hard)
  yell and scream